How to Survive Winter – A Cat’s Guide

Things have been quiet around here for the Little Furry Muse. After the indignity of three days travel from France up to the UK at the start of the summer – three days in a carrier case, in a car, like some common poodle, just as if she hasn’t been halfway around the world and back again – she became a Yorkshire cat once again. Not Harrogate, though. I’m not sure if she quite forgives me for moving her to the middle of farming country after starting her life in Harrogate, darling.

However, she has, as always, adapted. I have no idea how she is such an adaptable cat. She has lived in twelve different houses in three different countries, managed flights to and from Australia, and lived in a campervan for several months while we travelled through France, heading out to find local dogs to get in fights with every time we stopped. Which was still less scary than the time in Australia when the SO called me at work to tell me Layla had just chased a carpet python under the house.

She’s nothing if not fearless.

Well, except when it comes to balls. Balls are scary. As is one particular winter jacket that the SO eventually had to get rid of, because she panicked every time she saw it.

Snakes are fine, though.

Anyhow, as she is both adaptable and fearless, I have turned to her for advice regarding how to tackle my first UK winter in seven (eight? Can’t remember) years. And I shall now share her wisdom for everyone else watching that first frost come in with horror.

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The Little Furry Muse Speaks: How to Survive Winter

Alright, humans. I know you haven’t got this life thing as sorted as cats do, despite our best efforts to demonstrate to you how to live with grace, beauty, and excellent hairball technique. But, as we are ever-patient, I will endeavour once again to demonstrate to you how things should be done.

You may reward me with Dreamies after.

1. Make the most of any scrap of sunlight. The Significant Human insists on doing this by going outdoors and running about the place like she’s got the zoomies. Very slow zoomies, it has to be said, but she has only got two legs. It’s poor planning, that. Anyhow, as I repeatedly show her, the best way to enjoy the sunlight at this time of year is through the double-glazing, while reclining on some decent cushions. That way you can warm your fur most admirably, while also avoiding wet, muddy feet or the possibility of social contact. I do not approve of social contact. It’s overrated. Besides, the company of a cat is all that’s ever really required.

2. Avail yourself of a heat source. Since the Other Human has been home he has been building indoor bonfires. I approve of these immensely, and recommend that you procure one at once. The only problem I have found is that the humans only put it on now and then, which is, of course, ridiculous. It should be kept fully stoked at all times, and I remind them of this daily by sitting in front of the cold grate and staring at it forlornly, or sticking my paws in the ash before walking on the carpet. Obviously, if the fire was lit I wouldn’t be able to do this, but they don’t seem to have made the connection yet.

3. Embrace blankets. While I have yet to rebuild my pillow fort, I have discovered the joys of fluffy blankets. My favourite is the one the human uses on her knees when she’s all tappy-tap on the internet machine, so I sometimes have to share. But if I look deeply comfortable and gaze at her with big eyes she will often perch, blanket-less, on the edge of the chair. This is satisfactory.

4. Eat more. This is good advice at all times of the year, as a cat must keep her coat glossy and whiskers luxuriant, but as the days become colder it is doubly important. Unfortunately the Dread Vet has convinced the humans that my rations must be reduced still further, and all my woeful gazes from beside the empty food bowl have come to naught. I have instituted 5 a.m. wake-up calls to make sure the human feels my displeasure. She hasn’t broken yet, but it can’t be long.

5. Body heat. Every self-respecting cat must, of course, keep an aloof distance from her humans. However, as winter draws in it is worth remembering that they are an excellent heat source, and as they tend to wrap themselves in blankets when seated for any length of time, one can kill two birds with one paw. Just ensure you establish authority by sitting in such a way that they are moderately uncomfortable, and if they do move, stalk away in disgust, pausing to glare back at them pointedly.

Most of all, humans, grow some fur. All that naked skin is just unsightly, as well as impractical. I don’t know how you manage.

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The Little Furry Muse has spoken. And no, it was not just an excuse to share cute cat photos. This is important information. A public service, if you will…

Now let me know, lovely people – do you enjoy the winter? Do you feel the cold? What are your tips for staying warm through the cold weather? Let me know below!

cat's life, cats, life, life advice from cats, little furry muse, winter