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The Writer’s 12 Days of Christmas

In which I mangle a beloved Christmas song for the sake of my own amusement.

Edit: this is a few years old now. Not that my rhyming has improved, but just FYI. And yes, okay, it’s also an excuse for why I thought this was a good idea. You can read the updated and not really improved Readers 12 Days of Christmas now too, in case you thought I’d stopped doing such awful things …

 


So, last year I may have got a little ahead of myself and decided that I could actually write poetry. Not poetry poetry. You know. Rhymes. The Night Before Christmas, to be exact.

And there might have been, as Bill Nighy so delightfully says on Love Actually, an extra syllable shoe-horned in there (or several), but it was fun.

Fun enough that I decided to try it again, this time with The 12 Days of Christmas (largely because it’s one of the few Christmas songs I can kind of remember, and it didn’t seem too complicated).

So – enjoy!

 

They’ve got their thinking caps on, right? RIGHT? Sigh. Fine.


 

The Writer’s 12 Days of Christmas

 

On the first day of Christmas,
My writing gave to me,
Frightful insecurity.

On the second day of Christmas,
My writing gave to me,
Two chosen ones
And frightful insecurity.

On the third day of Christmas,
My writing gave to me,
Three bad boys,
Two chosen ones,
And frightful insecurity.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
My writing gave to me,
Four tangled plots,
Three bad boys,
Two chosen ones,
And frightful insecurity.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
My writing gave to me,
Five comma splices,
Four tangled plots,
Three bad boys,
Two chosen ones,
And frightful insecurity.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
My writing gave to me,
Six epic typos,
Five comma splices,
Four tangled plots,
Three bad boys,
Two chosen ones,
And frightful insecurity.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
My writing gave to me,
Seven tenses shifting,
Six epic typos,
Five comma splices,
Four tangled plots,
Three bad boys,
Two chosen ones,
And frightful insecurity.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
My writing gave to me,
Eight tropes a-troping,
Seven tenses shifting,
Six epic typos,
Five comma splices,
Four tangled plots,
Three bad boys,
Two chosen ones,
And frightful insecurity.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
My writing gave to me,
Nine cliches clashing,
Eight tropes a-troping,
Seven tenses shifting,
Six epic typos,
Five comma splices,
Four tangled plots,
Three bad boys,
Two chosen ones,
And frightful insecurity.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
My writing gave to me,
Ten spellcheck failings,
Nine cliches clashing,
Eight tropes a-troping,
Seven tenses shifting,
Six epic typos,
Five comma splices,
Four tangled plots,
Three bad boys,
Two chosen ones,
And frightful insecurity.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My writing gave to me,
Eleven viewpoints jumping,
Ten spellcheck failings,
Nine cliches clashing,
Eight tropes a-troping,
Seven tenses shifting,
Six epic typos,
Five comma splices,
Four tangled plots,
Three bad boys,
Two chosen ones,
And frightful insecurity.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My writing gave to me,
Twelve grammar crashes,
Eleven viewpoints jumping,
Ten spellcheck failings,
Nine cliches clashing,
Eight tropes a-troping,
Seven tenses shifting,
Six epic typos,
Five comma splices,
Four tangled plots,
Three bad boys,
Two chosen ones,
And frightful insecurity …

 


I apologise to anyone whose favourite Christmas song has just been ruined…

What’s your favourite Christmas song/poem? Let me know in the comments! (Bonus points for a link to you singing it somewhere…)

 

A much, much better version than mine …

12 days of Christmas, christmas, just for fun, poems, silly stuff, songs, xmas

  1. A.S. Akkalon says:

    Love it! Merry Xmas!

    1. kimwatt says:

      Ha, thank you! Merry Xmas to you too!

  2. Lynda Dietz says:

    Stellar job by the SO! Go, you!

    Tropes a-troping, eh? lol

    1. kimwatt says:

      I wondered if they should be a-trooping, but there was enough language abuse going on as it was…!

  3. Eric Lahti says:

    Bravo!

    1. kimwatt says:

      Why thank you kind sir!

  4. Anna Adler says:

    Gee, thanks Kim, now I’ll have this song playing in my head all Christmas and people will wonder why I’m humming about frightful insecurity. XD Great lyrics, and your SO sings fabulously! This is my new favorite Christmas song.

    1. kimwatt says:

      Oops. But it’s better than having Jingle Bells stuck in your head, right? 😉 I’m so glad you liked it – merry Christmas!

  5. Cin says:

    I enjoyed both the story and the poem. Keep it up🤗

    1. Kim Watt says:

      Thank you so much! I’m so pleased you enjoyed them <3

Comment away! (Points awarded for comments involving cats, tea, or baked goods)

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